by
Joe Casciani, PhD
Successful aging, the heart of the Living to 100 Club, involves a certain resolve to not worry about things we cannot control, a focus on things we can do instead of cannot do, and many other changes in our thinking. As I like to say, it’s rarely a smooth road ahead as we face advancing years. There are always bumps and potholes, and staying positive on this journey, regardless of what gets in the way, goes a long way toward healthy aging. I can cite a quote from Stephen Hawking, famed theoretical physicist who died from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS): Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.
Healthy aging requires a shift in attitudes that focuses on solutions, and positive interpretations of events. It involves positive perceptions of what is going on around us. If we look for what’s good about a situation, we’ll usually find it. And, if we look for what’s wrong about a situations, we’ll usually find that too. This sense of resolve can be expansive and empowering. It can assist when we need to be resilient in the face of challenge and loss. It means that you put your awareness on anything that is good in any situation.
Anxiety and unnecessary worry, on the other hand, come from a perspective that zeroes in on everything that’s wrong. Here, the glass is always half empty. Our views become constricting and disempowering. Those with anxious thinking have not mastered the attitudes to stay flexible, focused, and resilient.
Here are five attitude shifts that can help:
- Focus on what you can control, not on what you can’t – the more we value things outside our control, the less control we have. It creates worry and feeling of powerlessness. We have control over our thinking, our diet and exercise, our opinions, and kindness toward others. We have power over our minds, not outside events, like foreign policy, food prices, and the weather.
- Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t – it’s so easy to dwell on what we can’t do that we miss the things we are still good at. We stress about what can’t be done, and lose sight of solutions, feel frustrated and useless. Let’s stop focusing on failure and instead direct our energy on possibility. Try asking yourself what challenge you overcame in the past week, something you did that you can be proud of.
- Focus on what you have, not on what you don’t have – what do you have to be grateful for? What resources do you have, and what solutions and opportunities are there from what your resources are? This brings gratitude clearly into the picture. Dwelling on lack or what’s wrong usually means that we miss the opportunity to find a way through. Pay attention to everything that is going well for you. It’s the same as paying attention to things that are not problems for you.
- Focus on the present, not the past or the future – This attitude shift is on the “mindfulness” continuum. We want to live in the present and be aware of what is going on right now. Dwelling on past mistakes or worrying about the future limits our awareness of what’s good right now. As John Lennon said, “Life is what’s happening when we’re busy making other plans.”
- Focus on what you need, not what you want – There’s a great quote by Dallin Oaks, religious leader and academic: “You can never get enough of what you don’t need because what you don’t need won’t satisfy you.” Ask yourself what is absolutely necessary to our happiness and well-being and then ask, what is nice, or extra? When we understanding when something is a want and not a need, it’s easier to move on and let go when we don’t get it.
We can all benefit from less worry and anxious thinking, and a greater focus on solutions and positive interpretations of people and the world around us. I incorporate exercises and discussions about attitude shifts in senior support groups that I host in residential settings. I have a collection of 100 quotes that are inspiring and thought provoking and pepper my group discussions with these stories and quotations. One reference that is helpful in creating these exercises stop overthinking Trenton is a book by Nick Trenton, Stop Overthinking.
Stay positive and keep looking for those solutions!
Dr. Joe Casciani is the owner and Chief Curator for the Living to 100 Club, a source of solutions to living longer and healthier, with a special focus on mindset and attitudes about aging. He has a 40-year history as a psychologist and manager of mental health practices specializing in behavioral health services with older adults. In addition to his work as a clinical consultant, he is an engaging and inspiring speaker, and helps audiences move beyond their questions and concerns about aging to create a vision of what is possible in the years ahead. He strongly believes there is value in helping people feel inspired about their future.